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If you and I are having an productive conversation, two things are true:

• We don’t understand each other.
• I don’t want to accept your solution, but I don’t have a solution to the problem (or, you don’t want to accept my solution, but you don’t have a solution either).

As you can see, this will lead to unresolvable conflict. This type of conflict escalates into assured mutual destruction.

The only way to break this cycle is to get on the same page as your audience. Change what ever it is your have to change about your approach, and your perceptions. The positive results will more than make up for the pain.

Pull out all stops and test your creativity to its limits and beyond to get a solution. A true solution is “win win” and the problem stays solved. If co-workers are not accepting your perfect solution, see above point. Same if you are not accepting your co-workers perfect solution.

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What if you were not allowed to use polarizing comments? You know, the ones that are divisive, the words that stir emotions, and divides the room. These are also comments that invite immediate vitriol, sarcasm, snub, or other hostile response.

Answer: The workplace would be very boring.

Polarizing comments are not a bad thing, if used in a controlled way, from a positive state of mind, and used clearly to make a point, or inject urgency. When made from a negative state of mind, they create dysfunction, FUD, and communication gaps.

It never hurts to be able to state your case or describe a problem in a way that no one could argue about its accuracy. This means, leave out your opinions, your emotions, and just describe reality using words that are not polarizing.