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We have a fascination with other people’s lives. Gossip happens because of an obsession with how someone else did something or said something. We read biographies and adventures, watch our heroes slay dragons and rescue fair maidens in movies, and applaud athletes as they surpass what was considered physically and mentally impossible.

And yet, when time comes to undertake the journey ourselves, we are unable to figure out the stimuli that hits us, and the emotions that arise in us. We become reactive. We follow the role models who seem to somehow solve their problems without consideration of whether the methods are appropriate or scalable. Stung by failure and setback, we become passive observers, not active participants.

In short, our lives become a mess. Teenagers clearly go thru this phase. This happens in the workplace as well, as people grow professionally. There is a lot of research available to explain professional, but again, it is couched in terms of what is happening to the “other person,” which is perhaps why, for actionable suggestions, people turn to self-help books, not academic research.

It is time to start looking within. Observe your reactions, observe the stimuli that make you react the way you do. Understand your motives. Start the change from the inside out.

In short, work on self-awareness. That would be DO #2 for those who have read the book. Enjoy the journey. There is no “destination,” just milestones along the way. Celebrate the milestones you consider “success.” Learn from the milestones you consider “failure.” Worry about what your co-workers think to the extent it helps you adapt and grow. Do not let their “judgment” get to you.

Next time you see something cool, ask, “How can I experience that for myself?” Take charge of your own destiny with thoughtful action.