Monthly Archives: October 2013

#284 Suppressing emotions

Send to Kindle

If you are like most people, you will experience a multitude of emotions in the workplace. Some emotions will help your performance for the better and other emotions will hinder your performance.

The first thing to know is, don’t suppress emotions. If you do, you will build a “pressure cooker” inside you and this almost always has bad consequences.

Instead of suppressing, observe your emotions. In the beginning it will not be easy because you have wired yourself to act, not to observe. As you continue to observe, your anger will be replaced with curiosity and you’ll want to understand the root cause for your emotions. It may take a lot of practice, but you’ll find that understanding your motives is far more valuable and rewarding as compared to reacting.

You co-workers can see that you are suppressing emotions and they will lose trust in you. The reason is simple: they do not know how you will respond or do next. Another point to note is that you cannot “take back” your words and actions. Knowing this alone should provide the motivation for thoughtful action and speech.

You may not always understand why you are wired a certain way. That’s okay, parents are not given a manual when their children are born. We have to figure it out for ourselves. Write your own reference manual and use it to guide your action.

You will need a lot of discipline to not react. However, don’t go to the other extreme and withdraw or passively comply. Ask your co-workers for time to think, let them know you are troubled and are not sure why. Seek help in seeing the situation that bothered you from multiple points of view. To gain the upper hand in the workplace, and to be effective, clearly articulate what is bothering you from the point of view of your customer. Don’t waste any time complaining about your lack/loss of power, lack/loss of budget, or obstacles in your path.

This guidance is adapted from the teachings of the Buddha, who also provided meditation techniques to strengthen your practice.

Share

#283 Priority of responses

Send to Kindle

In the workplace, I am often asked for help by my boss, my team mates, and random co-workers who seem to appear only when they have a problem. The hardest part in responding is saying “no.” After all, you might need their help some day and you don’t want to make enemies in the workplace.

There is no room to be timid in your responses. Most people treat their boss and their boss’ boss with the highest priority. Yes, it is career limiting not to do so, but that builds a culture of servility and it can grate on your nerves very quickly. The customer should be the top priority and not your boss, or your boss’s boss, and definitely not the co-worker who demands favors in a loud voice.

Here is my criteria for prioritization.

  • “I need to take a decision about the business.” These co-workers will always be in my inner circle, because they have much to teach me.
  • “I need to make a plan.” These co-workers are in the business of preventing problems by thinking ahead, may their numbers flourish!
  • “I have an operational review.” These co-workers want to tell a good story to drive change in review meetings. However if they had done the above, there will be no urgency in this request. It will not be a last-minute request either.
  • “I have to give this information to my boss (or who ever).” These people are the clueless in the workplace. They are spurred to action only when their boss asks for information. You have to be careful, but depending on the situation, I try to deflect these requests and ask them to have their boss call me directly. Or, knowing that this is bad behavior, I try to think of ways to raise accountability in the workplace.
  • “I am curious.” These are the time wasters. They exist in hordes, especially in the execute suite. They will ask a question and their minions will scurry around trying to answer the question. My response to such questions is, “Yes, I am curious too. Can you get me the answer?”
  • “I have a last minute request.” Here is where judgment is crucial. Is it a genuine emergency? After all, things don’t always happen as intended, and we all get into a jam. We have to watch each other’s back. If the request is out of laziness or sloppiness, I usually just hang up on the person or move their email to a “do not respond” folder.
  • “I have a random request.” I usually just hang up on the person or move their email to a “do not respond” folder. Some people pass these requests to a hapless co-worker, but if you don’t try to squash these requests, it will come back to haunt you some day. Your co-worker might do the same to you.

Be careful in how you apply this advice. Be firm, and set your boundaries at work very clearly. If you get into trouble, it is a sign of clumsy implementation or a lack of situational awareness.

Share