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Defensive behavior looks and sounds like one or more of the following:

• “I am not to blame.”
• “It’s not my fault.”
• “I’ve already explained myself.”
• “Why am I repeating myself?”

There is a difference between being “firm” and being “defensive.” You need a way to deal with time wasters and bullies by being firm, but without being defensive.

Defensive behavior is less likely if you are open, ready to listen, ready to adapt, and ready to acknowledge a mistake.

If you have to offer a different point of view that contradicts your co-worker, do so as a matter of fact, without getting defensive. It takes a couple of attempts to get to a problem/situation description that everyone can agree upon. I’d argue that the fear of being wrong is perhaps the biggest reason for defensive behavior.

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Learning leadership by osmosis is fun. To learn by osmosis, watch great leaders at work. I am sure you have at least a couple of role model to observe in your place of work. It is fun and productive if you know what to look for. Hint: to know what to look for, read the book.

Sometimes it is more interesting to watch a movie on leadership. Two excellent choices are “Mandela and De Klerk” and “Invictus:”

Both the movies are based on Nelson Mandela, think of them as the “before” and “after” versions. Both movies do an excellent job of story telling, and capture the tension, the uncertainty, and the hardships of the leader’s journey.

But you don’t need a movie to experience the thrill and agony of leadership, you are living that journey every day. When you follow your leadership instincts you will not know if you are are right, or whether you will be successful. All you need to start is clarity on your vision, and a burning desire to fulfill it.