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Mentoring is a noble process. As a mentor, you take time out of your busy day to help someone in need. As a mentee, you open up your mind to new possibilities and gratefully accept what your mentor has to offer. Giving and asking for help is something we do every day, very often without giving it a second thought. Some organizations have formalized a mentoring program, giving every employee the freedom to reach out to and ask for help from any person in the organization, no matter what the level.

Two situations have proven tough for me as a mentor:

1. When the mentee considers themselves to be “successful” and don’t need any help. I am happy for them and grateful that they have saved me time, I can now turn my attention to others who may need help. I just have to accept that not everyone will require my help.
2. When the mentee is in survival mode. Such people are in great pain and in immediate need of help, whether it is employment, or help in removing a barriers, or soothe their psychological distress. Their need is so specific, so specialized, and the urgency level is so high, the pressure makes it hard to explore creative solutions.

Just as in providing therapy, there is a fine line between empowering and inspiring the mentee, and getting drawn into their problems.

The easiest mentoring situations for me are when mentees need help and are looking to grow, and they are not at the two extremes mentioned above. As a mentor, now I have time to explore the problem, suggest a few things to try, and give it time to work. The difficult problems in life never have “plug and play” solution, but have to be coaxed and cajoled to a solution.

While I may have room to grow as a mentor, there are some key takeaways for you as well. When you are a mentee, are you in one of the two situations I list above? For the first situation, you will not find a mentor, and thus lose out on opportunities to grow. For the second situation, you are probably going to make it tough on your mentor if you do not take steps to recognize the extra effort you have to put in as a mentee.